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Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

Posted on September 3rd, 2010 in Humor by Robert Miller

I couldn’t help but pass this one on. It’s apparently been around on the internet for a while and was forwarded to me by a friend. You will unavoidably laugh at this one!

Hell, as  explained by a Chemistry student:

The following is an actual question given on a University  of Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct….. leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’


What grade would you have given?


Al Franken gets noticed in Minnesota

Posted on July 6th, 2010 in Humor,Politics by Robert Miller

This morning’s StarTribune, the main newspaper in Minneapolis, has a front page article on Senator Al Franken and shows some recognition for the fact that, despite his junior status (having served just a year in the Senate after a very close election), he is increasingly visible as both a law maker and as someone who is not afraid to challenge his colleagues in the Senate, not something you normally expect from a freshman among the geriatric epicenter of that body.  Normally, it takes the StarTribune a year or two to catch onto something important, so the fact that a top fold, front page article is there today on Franken, means they are probably reading themillercircle. What the StarTribune article seemed to completely miss  however, was the tone-setting transformation he provided, free of charge, to the Elena Kagan confirmation hearings in the Senate Judiciary meeting last week. Had it not been for that event, it would have been sometime into the future when I would have written about him. However, as further evidence for the broad nature of his citizenship, you can watch him draw a fairly accurate, free-hand map of the United States on YouTube, at the cultural center of Minnesota, the Minnesota State Fair, second in stature only to that of Iowa.

More on George Carlin

Posted on June 30th, 2008 in Biography,Humor,Politics by Robert Miller

John Nichols, writer for The Nation and author of several important books on contemporary politics, wrote an excellent eulogy on George Carlin, whom he knew and with whom he maintained a dialog over the years. His article is well worth reading, because it crystallizes many of the seminal areas in which Carlin’s comments, through his comedic performances, made us laugh during their delivery, but wince when later thinking about their relevance. Carlin put up a mirror in front of us, forcing us to laugh and cry at our changing World. Carlin could succinctly summarize the Reagan administration, when he said (from Nichols’ article), at the Park Theater in Union City, New Jersey (recorded in 1988 and found in Carlin’s album "What Am I Doing in New Jersey"),

"I really haven’t seen this many people in one place since they took the group photograph of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration." I liked that one, because it was right on the mark and included, among many others, pointing a finger at the haughty Lt Colonel Oliver North who might well have received a hefty sentence as a convicted felon for the illegal Iran-Contra affair, and also for helping smuggle drugs into the US for an additional source of funds to support the Contras. According to North, he was supporting "Freedom Fighters" (this is the group of torturers who were trained by ex-Natzis, including Claus Barbi, who also murdered nuns and priests).

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